Today is my last solo podcast episode of The Expressive Mom Show, which is an important one. It is one where it will strike up a lot of controversy, but it needs to be said.
Last week, I talked about why toxic positivity is so harmful. This topic falls under that umbrella, which is about why bullying and abuse survivors should never be forced to forgive their perpetrators.
So many are probably thinking, oooh, but what will you accomplish by seeking vengeance all day, or don’t you realize that it is silly to drink that poison and expect the other person to croak?
All I can say is enough with the black-and-white thinking. I am going to discuss why expecting abuse survivors through any abuse and bullying to forgive their perpetrators is harmful. And you know what? If they feel it is best to do that themselves, then by all means, they should. However, for most, it is harmful advice.
Is Forgiveness Truly the Path to Healing?
In our society, there is often a misguided notion that forgiveness is the ultimate path to healing. However, this perspective fails to acknowledge the complexities of the survivor’s journey.
So does that mean those who were bullied and abused should plot revenge? Before I get into that, I will say that after dealing with a terrible bout of postpartum depression, I did seek vengeance, especially towards my worst bully, 13 years after the fact. However, PPD can bring out some ugly stuff buried inside.
I will not go into details, but be frank: I do not regret what I did because that is how I handled it at the time. But I have evolved to the point that I would not even dream of doing it today. So what is the solution if forgiveness is something that abuse and bullying victims should not do if they feel they can’t?
The ideal thing to do is to reach a point of indifference. You don’t want to go out of your way to seek vengeance because you have better things to do, but you also would not go out of your way to wish your perpetrators well and feel compassion towards them because maybe they were hurting. Hell no. You don’t care, and that is the best way to be.
Today, we explore the concept of indifference as an alternative approach to finding peace and empowerment after experiencing trauma.
Understanding Forgiveness and its Burdens
Forgiveness is often seen as a virtue, a means to release oneself from the emotional weight of past wrongs. However, when it comes to bullying and abuse, the idea of forgiveness becomes complicated.
Survivors face immense challenges in forgiving their perpetrators, as the wounds inflicted are deep and lasting. The burden of forgiveness is placed entirely on the survivor, while the bullies and abusers escape accountability for their actions.
The Fallacy of Compassion for Bullies and Abusers
Compassion is fundamental to forgiveness but should not be extended to those who have caused pain and suffering. Bullies and abusers have demonstrated a lack of empathy and respect for others, making them undeserving of the survivor’s compassion.
By forcing survivors to forgive, we inadvertently dismiss and invalidate their experiences, placing the onus on them to find empathy for their tormentors.
Toxic Positivity and the Pressure to Forgive
Society often promotes toxic positivity, encouraging individuals to maintain a positive outlook regardless of circumstances. This mindset can be particularly harmful to bullying and abuse survivors.
The pressure to forgive can be toxic, as it dismisses the survivor’s pain and suggests that their feelings of anger, resentment, or even indifference are invalid. True healing cannot be achieved by suppressing or denying these emotions.
Embracing Indifference for Empowerment
Instead of being coerced into forgiveness, survivors can find solace and strength in embracing indifference towards their bullies and abusers. Indifference is not apathy; it is a deliberate choice to allow the actions of others to define one’s self-worth and happiness.
By redirecting their energy towards self-care and personal growth and surrounding themselves with supportive individuals, survivors can reclaim their power and thrive despite their past experiences.
In this podcast episode, we have explored the notion that bullying and abuse survivors should not be forced to forgive their perpetrators.
By acknowledging the burdensome nature of forgiveness and the undeserved compassion toward bullies and abusers, we can empower survivors to embrace indifference as a valid response to their traumatic experiences.
Recognizing that the pressure to forgive can be toxic and that true healing prioritizes the survivor’s well-being and self-empowerment is crucial.
Next week marks not only the first week of September but Mercury’s out of retrograde tomorrow, which is the perfect time to start showcasing guests.
My first guest on The Expressive Mom Show is the founder of a wonderful and holistic digital magazine that can be great for parents or anyone seeking something a little different and enlightening.
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