The latest episode of The Expressive Mom Show is about why focusing on living up to society’s expectations can be harmful and what steps we can take to let go of these pressures.
In a world filled with social norms and expectations, it’s crucial to examine their impact on our well-being and discover ways to break free from their grip. So, let’s dive right in.
How Society’s Expectations Can Harm Your Mental and Emotional Health
First, let’s explore why focusing on society’s expectations can harm our mental and emotional health. When we constantly strive to meet societal ideals, we place immense pressure on ourselves, often leading to feelings of inadequacy, stress, and burnout. We may sacrifice our values, desires, and authenticity for external validation. This can lead to a loss of self-identity and a diminished sense of self-worth.
It’s important to recognize that societal expectations are often based on arbitrary standards and norms that may not align with our true selves. These expectations can vary greatly across cultures, communities, and even individuals. Comparing ourselves to these standards can create a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and dissatisfaction.
My Story About Reaching Acceptance of Being an Outcast
And I have to say I was hurt by doing what I could to fit in for a long time. It all started in middle school. I gained a lot of weight when I hit puberty, and it was uncontrollable at times. I also struggled with acne. Since I had undiagnosed ADHD, I had a lack of social skills. When I moved to a new school before grade eight started, little did I know how badly bullied was I going to be because I did not fit in.
I was “fat,” I was “weird,” and fashion meant nothing to me, so you can imagine how that caused me to stand out like a sore thumb. I also did not get a lot of validation at home. Yeah, I have lots of trauma I am not sure if I will ever entirely heal from. That is also why I hate the saying “heal from trauma” because I don’t think you ever truly do. You do your best to move forward with your life so it does not take over with lots and lots of therapy.
Anyway, I did digress there. But what did I do while all of that was happening to me? I was desperate to fit in, so I went out of my way to people-please to fit in and have others like me. It is natural to want approval from others. I also did not fit in mom groups after becoming a mother, and having a child with special needs made me fit in even less.
But I still wanted to make others happy, even by sacrificing myself, and not to mention I had nothing left to give since I had a child with special needs and another one who was not getting the attention she needed. I kept doing that until I reached a dangerous point in my life that made me say screw, pleasing others, society, and fitting in.
I will do an entire episode about that next week. Here is a spoiler alert. Society expects mothers of children with special needs to give up their lives to take care of them forever, even after they die.
Society expects them to even come back as ghosts to care for them. But my son has not been in my care for a while as he is somewhere where he is getting the best care because I wasn’t there. I will elaborate on what happened with that next week. Because of that, I am now at a point where I truly do not care whether I fit in or not.
How to Break Free From The Harmful Cycle of Living Up to Society’s Standards
How can we break free from the harmful cycle of living up to society’s expectations? The first step is to cultivate self-awareness and question the expectations that we have internalized. Reflect on the values and beliefs that resonate with you rather than blindly accepting societal norms. Understanding our desires and aspirations can redefine success and fulfillment on our terms.
Next, it’s important to practice self-compassion and self-acceptance. Recognize that perfection is an illusion and that it’s okay to make mistakes and have flaws. Embrace your uniqueness and celebrate your individuality. Remember, your worth depends not on meeting external expectations but on accepting and loving yourself for who you are.
Can you get to a point where you can say screw the popular crowd? Because that is what this entails. I was desperate to be a part of that crowd for a while. Now, I see them as sheep. I don’t care if that sounds judgmental. Maybe I am a little bitter? I would be lying if that did not have anything to do with my attitude, but mostly, I see how dangerous it is to be so “perfect” only to fit in.
Remember You Are Not Alone
Another crucial step is to surround yourself with a supportive community. Seek out like-minded individuals who value authenticity and encourage personal growth. Share your struggles and aspirations with trusted friends or mentors who can provide valuable guidance and support. Building a network of individuals who accept and appreciate you for who you are can be incredibly empowering.
Setting boundaries is also essential in freeing ourselves from the pressure of society’s expectations. Learn to say no to commitments or situations that do not align with your values or priorities. Prioritize your well-being and focus on activities that bring you joy rather than trying to please others.
Boundaries allow us to protect our mental and emotional health and create space for our growth and fulfillment. Before that catalyst, I had no boundaries, which was scary.
Embrace and Honor Your Path
It’s important to remember that embracing your path and following your dreams may require courage and resilience. Going against societal norms and expectations can be challenging, but the rewards of living an authentic life far outweigh the temporary discomfort. Believe in your abilities and trust that you can create a meaningful and fulfilling life by being true to yourself.
Reflect on the societal expectations that may influence your life and well-being. Take steps to let go of these pressures and embrace your unique journey. Remember, you have the power to define your success and happiness. Embrace your authenticity, prioritize your well-being, and live a life that aligns with your true self.
Hopefully, this discussion on the harmful effects of focusing on society’s expectations has inspired you to break free from these pressures and embrace your authentic self. Remember, you are worthy of living life on your terms. Next week, I will drum up the courage to talk about my special needs parenting journey, which led me to break free from extreme people-pleasing.
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