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Expressive Mom

Last week was one of the most emotionally draining weeks that I had experienced. Even more so for my daughter. She made one of the biggest transitions to be made in life. She started high school. I did not think much about it when she completed elementary in June (no junior high here). The idea of her starting high school at that time was exciting, but I didn’t even think for a second how much of an emotional time it would be for us. Especially for her.

Last Tuesday morning when she left my side and entered those entry doors to the high school, it hit me. All of those memories started to rush into my head. The first one that entered my mind was the day she was born and holding her for the first time. When I was wheeled into my hospital room, I was holding her tiny body that had fallen asleep into my arms. Then there was the memory me giving her the bottle,  and of her eating solids for the first time, and spitting it out, as well as her starting to walk and stumbling after each step. Her babbles at that time were adorable, which turned into non-stop chatter. The phases she had got through such as when she would only wear skirts and no pants ever also crossed my memories. I loved giving her piggy-backs. I can’t do that anymore. Wow, I really did watch her grow up and remember everything for those 14 years of her life. And there will be more milestones for her to reach! After those memories had rushed through, there were certainly tears. Not to mention worries.

When she is asleep, I always look at her for a while she is wrapped up under her covers. I just can’t believe what a big girl she has turned into! There is still that look of innocence on her face while she is sleeping, and then those worries start to really hit me then. Now that she has started high school, there will be boys on the horizon. Also the possibility of making a bad friend who is part of a bad crowd. What about bullying, which scares me a lot considering I was bullied quite badly in junior high and early high school. I never got over those scars and it affects you for life. I don’t ever want her to go through that kind of hell. Not to mention, if I ever were to handle the bully I could be put away for life.

Then I also have to remember, the high school experience will be essential for her growth and gaining life experiences.  Logically I know this, but there is a part of me that misses those days when I was able to hold her, and give her piggy-backs.


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