On that day you and your spouse said ‘I do’, you are not prepared for the fact that you and your spouse who you will be living with will have different ways of doing things. That is unless you already have been living with your spouse during your engagement or prior to that. Either way, this can easily drive you and your spouse up the wall.
For instance, the way you fold clean laundry may bother your spouse because that is not what he is used to and doesn’t like your style. The way your spouse has to unplug all of the appliances in every room except for the large ones may drive you crazy and you may think he is paranoid when he does it. If those things bother you, imagine how it will be when you start bringing children into the home. That is because you and your spouse will parent differently, and this is when things can get tricky in the marriage.
However, even when parents don’t agree with how the other parents, there are tips on how to stay united in order to make things work in your marriage:
As Much As You Don’t Like It, Let Your Spouse Parent The Way He Feels Is Right
When you look back at your own childhood, you will remember that both of your parents did not parent the same way. Both of them may have felt the frustration over parenting differently. However, the best thing to do is to allow your spouse to parent the way he wants to do so. As long as no abuse is happening in any way, then you have to let it be.
Additionally, what will happen as well if you don’t allow your spouse to be the parent that he wants is eventually all of the responsibilities will fall onto your shoulders. That will only lead to resentment on both ends. He will resent you for being controlling over his way of parenting, and you will be resentful over the fact you have to do everything with the kids. Resentment is the poison to marriages and relationships.
Come Up With Compromises And Work As A Team
Even if you and your spouse parent differently, you can always make compromises so you parent as a team. For instance, if you as the mom want to give your kids three cookies to take with their lunch because life is short and what harm can three small cookies do? However, the dad will say absolutely not, because he is a health nut. You can always make a compromise and both agree that one cookie is enough.
Additionally, never talk badly about your spouse to your kids, and your spouse must never do that due to parenting style differences. That kills that teamwork mentality right there. Coming up with compromises is the key.
Communicate Your Differences And Get Another Perspective From A Third-Party If Necessary
If you and your spouse are stressed over the fact that the parenting styles you both have are very different, you both need to be open and talk about it. You need to tell him why you choose to parent the way you do and allow him to do the same. If you are both stuck on how to come up with a compromise, then you will need to get a perspective from a third-party such as a marital or family counselor.
A good counselor will help you and your spouse come up with compromises so you can stay as a team as parents. The trick is to stick to those compromises. And if neither of you does that in some cases, then allow your spouse to parent in his way, and you do your own thing – and both of you need to respect that.